Everyday is exactly the same.
Wake up, scarf breakfast, sit in traffic, work, sit in traffic, eat dinner, go to bed.
I'd sit in bed and write in my journal about how I felt lost. How I felt like something was missing. When I was younger things seemed so magical. Where did the magic go?
I stared out my office window, wrote poems like this...
even after the dreams and wishes
and glitter and unicorns
and the lacy white veil touching your lashes
there is a black metal filing cabinet against the wall
there is the telephone ringing, ringing, ringing
and sobs and paperwork and flat tires
there is cold, hard reality
and it's all meshing with
the purple castle in your mind
inside there are crushed velvet sofas and stars
but there is also an electric bill
on the kitchen table
I cried all the time, fought with my boyfriend, secretly wished for a way out. In a way, through my misery, I manifested the life I have now.
Sometimes it takes a breakdown for a breakthrough.
Like the man in the poster, I felt totally UGH!
Then one spring afternoon my boyfriend said, this isn't going to work. And I cried for two days straight. Then I put on my big girl panties and decided the whole debacle was exactly what I needed.
I remember going to the bookstore and The Anti 9 to 5 Guide: Practical Career Advice for Women Who Think Outside the Cube by Michelle Goodman jumping out at me. That was the beginning of my awakening.
But it took time. The journey back to myself, to the magic, took nearly three years. I still worked, I still questioned whether I could create an amazing life. I read a lot of books and wrote down my dreams and wondered what the heck I was doing. Was I lost? Was greatness not meant for the likes of me? Why was I still doing the same old stuff in a different town?
I asked myself why a lot. Why does life have to be this way? Why do I have to go to a day job and do boring work? Why can't I travel the world or live on an island or make money from writing? And after I asked myself those questions over and over again, the answer came...
You don't and you can.
Don't get me wrong, my life was pretty good. I had a wonderful partner, a nice home, a well paying job, an adorable dog. But I didn't want pretty good. I wanted great.
Maybe you feel the same way. Maybe you feel lost emotionally, like you've misplaced your spirit or your voice or that something's missing. Maybe your life is pretty good, but you want extraordinary. You want to feel something, live out loud, no regrets.
1) An extraordinary life means different things to different people. Traveling the world and living on an island isn't necessary.
2) Everything outside of yourself probably looks nothing like your dream life. In fact, your dream life probably seems impossible. I sat in traffic and pretended passing fields were ocean waves. I thought, yeah right a lot.
But the life you dream of doesn't start manifesting on the outside. It starts on the inside. It starts in your imagination and how you speak and what you write and in how you see yourself and what you believe can happen. The inside is where you find your voice, your spirit, the magic.
And over time, as you discover more of yourself and you listen to your spirit's needs and you ask a lot of questions, the inside spills over into the outside.
If you're feeling blah, bored, not like yourself...if you're wondering where the magic went, don't give up hope. This is your "desert" time. Now's the time to walk, explore, question, dream, believe. Now you must envision your greatness, water the seed, keep watering it, keep learning, keep wanting, and then watch the seed bloom.
I'm working on a six week e-course to aid you on your journey and to help you manifest exactly what you want in life. I can't wait to share it and see what amazing, beautiful things happen in your life. More info to come, and if you're subscribed to The Sacred Middle, watch for a special announcement email and offering.
Woohoo! Now go out there, darling, and start living your beautiful life!