Artwork by Alxbngala via Instagram
In a patriarchal society, men aren't always the problem.
Sure, it's easy to blame them for things like standards of beauty, feelings of sexual shame, and harassment, but the truth is, girls make it hard for girls too. Girls harass other girls; girls call other girls sluts and bitches; girls say mean things behind another girl's back because she's wearing the wrong thing.
It's sad to see and experience girl-on-girl hate. There's always talk about bonding together, girl power, supporting other women, but then something happens.
It's called comparison or envy or jealousy or inferiority. It's called not giving a damn because supporting that other woman might cut into your time.
A woman walks into the room and she's beautiful. Another woman looking at her might think She knows she's beautiful, no reason to make her head even bigger. But what if she doesn't know? What if she's freaking out about her cellulite or her wrinkles or beating herself up because someone called her stupid?
Throughout my life I've found that the girls I thought were pretty, stuck up bitches were actually nice and humble and had the same insecurities as I had. Those girls like hearing, "You're looking gorgeous today," just as much as the next person. Everyone likes hearing positive things about herself.
I've never met anyone, and especially not another woman, who went throughout her day thinking, I am so beautiful and have it going on. Everything is perfect in my life.
Here's the thing - every woman has her own insecurities and problems. Just because we can't see them on the outside doesn't mean a storm isn't brewing on the inside. It doesn't mean we can't be helpful, supportive, and there for each other. You never know what someone is going through. You never know that woman's story...unless you ask, get to know her, offer your support.
Instead of insulting a woman behind her back, why don't we compliment her outfit (and mean it)?
Instead of writing a woman off because we think she's (insert adjective here), why don't we get to know her?
Instead of feeling jealous that a beautiful woman is talking to our significant other, why don't we join the conversation?
Story time:
There was this time I went to a women's get together and had one too many to drink. I didn't have a car and my husband was out of town, so I couldn't call him to come pick me up and my regular ride outside of my husband was unavailable. At that point, I was just drunk enough to feel a bit confused at how to get home. Keep in mind that to get home required me to take a short boat trip to the other side of the pier. But I didn't know where to find the boat and I didn't want to stumble around in the dark trying to find where I needed to be.
I turned to two women who had been at the get together and asked if they could help. They just kind of shrugged and brushed me off.
In the end, a man who was staying near one of the lady's, escorted me to the boat and saw that I got across the bay safely. Then another man (this one I knew), called a ride for me and made sure the driver knew where I lived.
I could not believe the lack of support I had from the other women. I thought to myself, if I had been on the other side of that situation, I would have definitely helped that girl out. And especially if the area was new to her and she didn't know anyone/it was dark/she was drunk. That just makes sense, right?!
Whenever I'm around a lone woman or someone who is new to the scene, I welcome her. I say something nice. I treat her like a human being instead of competition or a hassle. There is no competition. There's no reason to be jealous. There's no reason to treat someone like she's an annoyance and send her to the dark woods to find her way.
This isn't just about my experiences. I see girl-on-girl hate all the time and almost everywhere. I see it with strangers and with my friends. I see it on the internet and in public places. It happens to us all and I'm sure we've been on both sides - girl hating and being hated.
No more.
When you see a woman in need, help her.
When other women talk bad behind someone's back, ask yourself why.
Compliment a woman.
Get to know her story before you judge.
If we're going to be all the man keeps us down and we have to stick together, but then turn around and do the exact opposite, then we can't expect change.
Stand with, not against.
Sure, it's easy to blame them for things like standards of beauty, feelings of sexual shame, and harassment, but the truth is, girls make it hard for girls too. Girls harass other girls; girls call other girls sluts and bitches; girls say mean things behind another girl's back because she's wearing the wrong thing.
It's sad to see and experience girl-on-girl hate. There's always talk about bonding together, girl power, supporting other women, but then something happens.
It's called comparison or envy or jealousy or inferiority. It's called not giving a damn because supporting that other woman might cut into your time.
A woman walks into the room and she's beautiful. Another woman looking at her might think She knows she's beautiful, no reason to make her head even bigger. But what if she doesn't know? What if she's freaking out about her cellulite or her wrinkles or beating herself up because someone called her stupid?
Throughout my life I've found that the girls I thought were pretty, stuck up bitches were actually nice and humble and had the same insecurities as I had. Those girls like hearing, "You're looking gorgeous today," just as much as the next person. Everyone likes hearing positive things about herself.
I've never met anyone, and especially not another woman, who went throughout her day thinking, I am so beautiful and have it going on. Everything is perfect in my life.
Here's the thing - every woman has her own insecurities and problems. Just because we can't see them on the outside doesn't mean a storm isn't brewing on the inside. It doesn't mean we can't be helpful, supportive, and there for each other. You never know what someone is going through. You never know that woman's story...unless you ask, get to know her, offer your support.
Instead of insulting a woman behind her back, why don't we compliment her outfit (and mean it)?
Instead of writing a woman off because we think she's (insert adjective here), why don't we get to know her?
Instead of feeling jealous that a beautiful woman is talking to our significant other, why don't we join the conversation?
Story time:
There was this time I went to a women's get together and had one too many to drink. I didn't have a car and my husband was out of town, so I couldn't call him to come pick me up and my regular ride outside of my husband was unavailable. At that point, I was just drunk enough to feel a bit confused at how to get home. Keep in mind that to get home required me to take a short boat trip to the other side of the pier. But I didn't know where to find the boat and I didn't want to stumble around in the dark trying to find where I needed to be.
I turned to two women who had been at the get together and asked if they could help. They just kind of shrugged and brushed me off.
In the end, a man who was staying near one of the lady's, escorted me to the boat and saw that I got across the bay safely. Then another man (this one I knew), called a ride for me and made sure the driver knew where I lived.
I could not believe the lack of support I had from the other women. I thought to myself, if I had been on the other side of that situation, I would have definitely helped that girl out. And especially if the area was new to her and she didn't know anyone/it was dark/she was drunk. That just makes sense, right?!
Whenever I'm around a lone woman or someone who is new to the scene, I welcome her. I say something nice. I treat her like a human being instead of competition or a hassle. There is no competition. There's no reason to be jealous. There's no reason to treat someone like she's an annoyance and send her to the dark woods to find her way.
This isn't just about my experiences. I see girl-on-girl hate all the time and almost everywhere. I see it with strangers and with my friends. I see it on the internet and in public places. It happens to us all and I'm sure we've been on both sides - girl hating and being hated.
No more.
When you see a woman in need, help her.
When other women talk bad behind someone's back, ask yourself why.
Compliment a woman.
Get to know her story before you judge.
If we're going to be all the man keeps us down and we have to stick together, but then turn around and do the exact opposite, then we can't expect change.
Stand with, not against.
