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Travel Log: Sailing to Pandan, Philippines

5/23/2016

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April 26, 2016

We're headed to sea today, sailing on the Zenity for four days. I don't know why I get so nervous before trips, any kind of trip. I guess it's having to get everything ready and leaving the comforts of home. I hope for smooth sailing and fun times and good memories.
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April 27, 2016

We're still out at sea. The wind died down last night and so it's been slow going. We were supposed to be in Pandan around noon today, but it seems like we won't get there until tonight.

The wind has picked up now and we're just using the sails. I'm taking a break from sitting in the sun. I'm so sweaty that the pen slips between my fingers. 

Apparently there was a whale sighting just a minute ago. Everyone was at the front of the boat oohing and aahing, but here I was in the cabin scribbling in my journal. By the time I made it to the front of the boat, the whale had disappeared. 

I'm hoping to see dolphins and giant sea turtles when we get to Pandan.
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There was a magic about the sea. People were drawn to it. People wanted to love by it, swim in it, play in it, look at it. ~Cecelia Ahern

April 29, 2016

We're sailing back to Puerto Galera after a day on Pandan. We got there around 7 or 8 on Wednesday night and spent yesterday afternoon snorkeling and chilling on the beach. Highlights:

I got to see dolphins! Before we docked in Pandan, a group of dolphins swam up beside the boat, curious and playful. They swam beside us and in front of us for a few minutes, sometimes poking their heads out, sometimes jumping out of the water and doing little tail flicks. Such showoffs. :)

Snorkeling was amazing! I saw giant sea turtles and manta ray and all kinds of fish: long skinny ones with pointed noses, angel fish, electric blue fish, rainbow-colored fish. I gazed at coral and swam behind schools and watched the turtles graze at the bottom of the ocean, so slow and wise. 

I didn't take my camera to shore, but Pandan only has one resort and it's tucked behind trees and hibiscus. There are beautiful little cottages for people to rent, hammocks swaying between coconut trees, and an island bar that serves the most refreshing gin and juice. 

So we're sailing now and it's slow going again because there's not much wind, but I don't mind. I enjoy watching the horizon. Last night I sat at the front of the boat when the wind and waves were high and sailed into the sunset.
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May 1, 2016

On our way back we started running out of fuel. We weren't able to use the sails on most of the trip, so the engine got a lot of use. Anywho, so we're just drifting on the ocean, waiting for some miracle breeze and trying not to use what little fuel we have, when we come upon an island with a small beach that looks quite refreshing. The Captain reckons we dock and go for a swim. It turned out to be a treasure of a find, a tranquil cove with turquoise water as clean and clear as sun shining through glass. And it felt so good to take a dip after having sat in the sun with no wind as a relief.

It was our good fortune that a group of Filipinos were having a beach day and offered to bring us fuel. While we waited, we swam, had a few beers, and chatted to the curious kids who boarded the boat. They said they had never seen foreigners at that beach, only fisherman. After one of the little girls learned my name, she'd periodically say, "Cassandra." And I'd say, "What?" And she'd say, "You're beautiful." So sweet. 
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One of the kids collected smooth, white egg-shaped rocks and left them on the boat as gifts. I brought one of them home and it sits beside my favorite crystals. 

You know what I loved about sailing? Living in the moment. No computer, no consuming internet garbage, no work, no thinking about what to blog or how to make money or life goals or anything. It was just me and the sea, the sun, the sand, quiet adventures, and friends. 

At the beach, life is different. Time doesn't move hour to hour, but mood to moment. We live by the currents, plan by the tides, and follow the sun. ~Unknown
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Having Panic Attacks? Here's What To Do

5/11/2016

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Having Panic Attacks? Here's What To Do

The panic attacks started when I was in my late teens. My first happened at an ice hockey game. The whole building felt like it was caving in. My breath shortened, my heart raced, the lights around the arena made me dizzy. My mom took me to the car and I sat in the back seat trying to catch my breath, trying not to pass out. I thought for sure that would be my last night on earth.

More than ten years later I'm still dealing with these things. Sometimes I won't have an episode for a couple of years and then out of nowhere they'll make an appearance. The only constant I've found within them is that they're always a surprise. Even in my happiest moment, a panic attack can show up.

After a decade of brain battle, I've found some ways of coping, especially since they often happen when I'm alone. Try them out and see if they lessen the experience for you.

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It took me a long time to get past the whole I'm-about-to-die/I'm-having-a-heart-attack feeling. These are classic characteristics of a panic attack and they're what sends you spiraling down the rabbit hole. It's hard to climb out of an attack when your body is telling you it's shutting down, and it's not as easy as deep breathing to get past the physical drama.

To tell you the truth, if I'm already to that point, it's best I take medication to get a grip, and it might be for you too. Nowadays, I do my best not to let my brain get that far into the negative thinking. 

I've dealt with panic attacks so many times that I now know what they feel like, what they look like, and I can immediately take action before my brain goes into the darkness and my body follows.

Notice patterns in your own panic attacks. Does something spur them on or are they random like mine? What does the onset feel like? How does it progress? 

Mine start with shortness of breath, like I can't catch it. If I don't take measures to calm down after the onset, my heart starts racing and my brain goes to crazy town trying to figure out what's about to happen - will I have a heart attack? Will my lungs collapse? Can we make it to the ER? 

Of course all of those things lead to more panic which leads to more physical manifestations like chest pains and tingling fingers. 

So the big takeaway here is nip it in the bud before it gets out of hand.

Easier said than done, I know. The last thing you want to do is deep breathe and chant some mantras when you feel like you're about to take your last breath. 

But do your best to get your thoughts in order. Gently remind yourself that you're okay, that your body is healthy and will get through it. Tell yourself that there's no need to worry and that the panic will pass. 

Take a few slow breaths. 

I find that sitting up and rocking back and forth with my head in a pillow helps me. I know it seems like the cliche crazy person thing to do, but whatever. It works!

Also, try redirecting your thoughts. Is there something else you can focus on? Something positive that happened during the day? A homework problem or creative task you can think about? If there's someone around to talk to, have them help you refocus. When my sister had panic attacks, I'd talk to her about something she was excited about or make her laugh. Eventually they'd pass if we just kept the focus on something besides the panic.

On the opposite side of refocusing is stilling your mind. Meditation helps loads with this and I urge you to start a meditation practice. I like Dr. Joe Dispenza's guided meditations.

When the scary thoughts come, let them pass over you like birds flying overhead. Acknowledge them (you know they're there), but look at them as if you were on the outside and had no attachment. See them floating by like clouds.

The short and sweet list to keep handy:
  • Notice patterns within your attacks so you can identify what's going on before things get out of hand.
  • Slow your breathing.
  • Sit up, lie down, stand up, whatever feels best to you.
  • Redirect your thoughts and/or keep yourself busy with something else. If talking it out helps, find a friend or family member to help you.
  • Acknowledge your feelings and thoughts, but let them pass over you without attachment. Clear your mind.
  • If all else fails and you've been prescribed medication, go ahead and take it. I don't generally condone pharmaceuticals, but they can offer help at certain times. 

Anything that's not on this list that helps you get through your panic attacks? Let me know in the comments.
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Life Through Heart-Shaped Glasses

5/2/2016

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Life Through Heart-Shaped Glasses

Life can be strawberry sunshine rays dancing on cloud 9. Life can be pink elephants chanting love songs and starry-night baseball games. It can be super nova galaxies swirling cotton candy on sticks. It can be watermelon-lipped girls and hardcore stage boys wearing shiny devil tails and blue hair in a can.

Life can be rosy-cheeked flower petals and love in a bottle and shimmer-winged cats. Life could be raindrops on hot summer days and sticky ice cream cones melting on classic t-birds at the drive in. Life should be lipstick and bubblegum and fast, red cars. Life should be cherry popsicles and honey biscuits and deep scarlet nail polish spilled on white carpet.

Life might be love.

Life should be peace.

Life can be.

Life is what you make of it.

​Make it good.



P.S. I wrote this many moons ago, maybe in my late teens/early twenties. It still holds true.

Photo Credit: Heart Sunglasses by Hanny Ahern
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    ​Hello! I'm Cassandra, an American ex-pat living in the Philippines, writer, ballerina, and lover of all things magickal. I blog about happiness, self-love, and magical dream-life living.
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