The thing that helped me get through my hospital stay the most was practicing Principle 5 of Nia - Awareness. Specifically, Living Meditation. 

When I woke up from surgery I was in so much pain that not even a combination of powerful drugs helped much. So I turned to just being still and silent, resting in the "non-doing."

In Living Meditation there is no inner dialogue, no negative thoughts, no attachment to anything external. In this state, the body becomes calm and free from desires, goals, and fears. 

That night, when I couldn't sleep because of the weight of the surgery sitting on my chest, I breathed through the pain. I quieted my mind, sat in the dark, cool stillness of it and just breathed. 

Hydrocodon and morphine didn't work, but Living Meditation did. That's saying something.

This also helps ease panic attacks. I've battled these for longer than I can remember, but now have more control and am able to work through them without reaching for the bottle of Xanax first.

When I feel panic surfacing, I practice Living Meditation by going into my head, turning off the switch, the one labeled "activity," and focus on my breath. This helps even if I'm outside the house and not able to sit down. Just the other day I was walking down the street when out of nowhere the anxiety arose and all I could do was meditate while moving. It worked.

But you don't have to be in a hospital bed or panicking to practice Living Meditation. In fact, the fundamental practice is to pay attention to moments of "non-doing" and use them as opportunities for meditation. 

That means that instead of becoming angry during a traffic jam, you see it as the perfect time to meditate. Just get still in your body and mind, notice how the air blowing through the vents feels on your skin or how the seat beneath you cushions your body. Practice opening yourself to this stillness and the feeling of neutrality. Before you know it, the traffic jam will become "me time." 

Whether you're a Nia student or not, I urge you to listen to the silence. Use it to heal, to relax, to notice the sweetness of stillness.

"Behind every beautiful thing, there's some kind of pain." ~Bob Dylan

I have a soft spot for sadness and brokenness, dark topics, cracks in the wall, tragic stories and sad songs. 

It's not that I like to revel in these things, it's just that I find some kind of beauty in them. 

The scars, the pain, the stories that leave us heartbroken, but stronger. The Ophelias of the world. 

And I don't think anything is "baggage." Only stories and experience. Baggage is poetry, whether dark and ugly or written beautifully. 

Everything can be written in such a way. Even the dark things, the corners of our minds filled with webs, the things we want to forget can be written in a way that makes us cry because they're so beautiful and tragic and because they're us. It's who we are. 

Yes, I am a girl of light and wings and rainbow prisms, but I am also a girl of dark stories and poetry that does not always taste of cotton candy. And I think that's just fine.

We don't have to hide our scars or the wounds that are still fresh and bleeding. In their own way, they are beautiful.

endless flowers
the moon in my palm

a sky full of wishes
the cicada's song

honeybees and hummingbirds
grass between my toes

dragonfly wings
capturing light and rainbows

strong, steady trees
slow-moving snails

the sound of the ocean
inside seashells

winter clouds that burst
into pieces of art

the pulse of the earth
in my hands and my heart

On Sunday, I will have lived on Mindoro Island in the Philippines for three weeks. All I can say is yes. Yes to shades of blue sea and sky, boat trips and dinner with friends, sandy toes, late-night barbecue, floating bars, lightening that echoes over water and bursts through rain-filled clouds, gorgeous waterfalls and motorbike rides through the mountains. 

One thing's for sure - I've never had a more active social calendar in all my life. There's always something going on, whether it's a beach party or evening get together. As an introvert, I think I've done a good job getting my socializing on :P

Here's a little slice of my life over the last few weeks.

Our friend bought this boat on a whim. A few days ago we took it for a spin around the island to a beach. Today it was our transportation to a friend's lunch party.

I found this beauty on the beach, and there are plenty of others I can't wait to collect. I have no idea what kind of rock/crystal it is, but some seem to think quartz. If you have an idea, let me know!

Puerto Galera is the larger town (although still pretty small) outside of Dulangan. This is up the mountain from where we live at Tamaraw Falls.

A pool that cascades down the mountain at Tamaraw Falls. I prefer the ocean water; it's warmer :)

Jason and I on the top deck of the floating bar in Sabang. Sabang is known for its night life, which is pretty much 24/7. Puerto Galera shuts down at about 9 pm, so those who want bars and clubs till the wee hours travel here. 

Snorkeling for the first time in my life. I'm somewhat afraid of the water, so this was a huge step. Turns out, it's easy peasy.